Hear Our Voices 2020
She Loves Something Fierce
My mother
she loves something fierce
so fierce
she overprotects
so much
she strangles
by accident
and I—
for years
questioned that love
loathed that protection
a reaction so visceral
it tore me apart
till
one day
understanding dawned
after the suffering
the pain
the trauma
and I—
felt compassion
for the first time
toward my mother
who
was only shown love
through overprotection
so enveloped
it strangled
and still she grew
like plants
through concrete
her personal space
limited
her dreams
restricted
and she
convinced herself that was love
while her insides screamed
Then one day she
had daughters
so she
planted them
with love that was familiar
and she restrained them
as they grew
letting the sun in
the water in
the bare essentials of survival in
but she stopped the bees
blocked the breeze
gave nothing she wasn’t given
but that does not mean
she did not love
to keep something so close
to protect so much
you’d have to love someone
so fiercely
but the problem comes when you believe
your survival lies deeply
that you end up twisting
purity like love
into suffocation
and you
affect
not just you
but also
everyone around you
What is the Truth?
They say they’ve done their best
with what they have
and I
teeter
between the desire to believe them
to make peace with them
with myself
but I
also see
around them
the resources
left untouched
the opportunities
abandoned
the depths unexplored
I see the non-attempts
the lies
but then they said
they tried their best
but the proof I see
is the opposite of their words
and I
doubt my eyes again
and I
let the uncertainty
the non-decision
the emotions yanking in different directions
pull me apart again
until the broken pieces of me
hurt too much
and I
must make a choice
to decide on a version
of a truth
so I can glue me
whole again