The barricades that held us down will not work anymore. And when silence and shame are gone, there will be nothing to stop us. ... We will speak, we will speak, we will speak.
— Chanel Miller, Know My Name
 

She Loves Something Fierce

My mother

she loves something fierce

so fierce

she overprotects

so much

she strangles

by accident

and I—

for years

questioned that love

loathed that protection

a reaction so visceral

it tore me apart

till

one day

understanding dawned

after the suffering

the pain

the trauma

and I—

felt compassion

for the first time

toward my mother

who

was only shown love

through overprotection

so enveloped

it strangled

and still she grew

like plants

through concrete

her personal space

limited

her dreams

restricted

and she

convinced herself that was love

while her insides screamed

Then one day she

had daughters

so she

planted them

with love that was familiar

and she restrained them

as they grew

letting the sun in

the water in

the bare essentials of survival in

but she stopped the bees

blocked the breeze

gave nothing she wasn’t given

but that does not mean

she did not love

to keep something so close

to protect so much

you’d have to love someone

so fiercely

 

but the problem comes when you believe

your survival lies deeply

that you end up twisting

purity like love

into suffocation

and you

affect

not just you

but also

everyone around you

What is the Truth?

They say they’ve done their best

with what they have

and I

teeter

between the desire to believe them

to make peace with them

with myself

but I

also see

around them

the resources

left untouched

the opportunities

abandoned

the depths unexplored

I see the non-attempts

the lies

but then they said

they tried their best

but the proof I see

is the opposite of their words

and I

doubt my eyes again

and I

let the uncertainty

the non-decision

the emotions yanking in different directions

pull me apart again

until the broken pieces of me

hurt too much

and I

must make a choice

to decide on a version

of a truth

so I can glue me

whole again